Ok... you heard it before...

•  Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?
•  It's not bible to be shacking up together?
•  I'm not going to buy nothing I don't test drive?

It's been all that and more said, as it relates to a "non-married" couple living together. Now, personally, I'm rather split on the subject. Why? Well, before many of you throw casting your stones out, let's look at it. How much is shared between 2 people ONLY after they live together? Do you share and interact with these areas before marriage - bills, children upbringing, house chores, religion, sleeping habots, etc? Are there real benefits to "shacking up"? Is the woman compromising herself by living with a guy before marriage? Think about it. There's so much more to discover and realize, to a degree of honest actions and interactions, only after you are married, even living together.

Case #1: This Bud's For You?
I recalled dating, prior to being married once, I was uncomfortable with my girlfriend at the time seeing a beer in the refrigerator. So I hid the remaining five in the closet and kept a single cold. She was not against me drinking, but against any appearance that I may have had a beer more frequently than she thought. Keep in mind, I still had the full six pack, no different than if we were living together. The only diference was the visual presentation. Now had we been married or living together, oh, the full six pack would have been on ice! Is that wrong? Is that living a lie?

Case #2: A Clean Home, WOW! That smells so nice!
So you like to keep a very clean house, I mean really clean. He's kept his house clean (when you came over), but he is not uncomfortable with his shoes laying in front of the couch or dishes in the sink more than 25 hours. Only thing is now, you're married. Those same habits you didn't know about, know they're right there in your face - EVERYDAY! Is it ok to lighten up on your "cleanliness next to Godliness" belief or do you demand that he "conforms" to your military standard? If you never dealt with this before, how do you "really" deal with it now? Would living together had made it easier to spot? Hmmm....

Case #3: What do you mean "Me Time"
This is a true situation... A guy is seeing this girl. He really likes her. He's a good guy - works everyday, takes care of his home, keeps it simple. She's professional, ambitious, well-rounded and a good catch. She has nice friends and they hang out every so often. She and this guy (well call him Mr. K) get married. The weekend approaches and "she" wants to take a trip with her girlfriends to Atlanta... just to shop, hang out - NOTHING MORE! He's totally against it and says "you're married now, why you need to go to Atlanta". 2 of her girlfriends are also married. They do this once a year and have so for the last 6 years. He says "you did that stuff when you were single". She's like I still have to have some "me" time. He shouts, "no such thing, that's just some BS when people want to do their dirt". This didn't come up, that he'll have a problem with it, now that they're married. While dating, it was cool. "WTF?" is the look on her face.

Case #4: The Magnum Cum Laude (Yeah, we know it's "magna")
It was ok with having sex once or twice a week. You are the good little, prim and proper young lady, right? Well, now married, Joe Wild, wants and expects to rustle and tustle in the sheets like 4, 5 6, 8 days a week. WTF! Yes, he does. He was just the same then, it was really a matter of opportunity. You guys only saw each other 3 or 4 times a week. One of those were out at the movies or dinner. You ask, where did all this horniness come from? He's like, well I thought that since we we're married now, that at least once a day, we can... (female shouts out) - "I work, I cook and I am not your sex slave! Is that all you think about - SEX, SEX, SEX". (male with tears in his eyes) - "I don't know". Could this have been discovered and addressed if the 2 lived together? Maybe, maybe not.

Here are some key points:

Pay attention to relationship red flags before moving in

Figure out how to settle conflicts before they happen

Meet with a neutral 3rd party and discuss the "what ifs"

Don't abandon friends, family and private time

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